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Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter

Jun. 10, 2001Canada85 Min.R
Your rating: 0
5 1 vote

Synopsis

For reasons unknown to anyone in the Catholic Church, there have been a rash of attacks on lesbians by vampires, and to make matters worse, they’re now immune to sunlight (the vampires, not the lesbians, although it probably won’t kill them either). There can be only one solution – to get Jesus from his hiding place, and take on the vampires, including the lesbians they’ve turned into more vampires. Along the way, he’ll have to enlist the help of Mexican wrestler El Santos, “Apostle to the Apostles” Mary Magnum, and… learn to do a snazzy musical number?
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
Original title Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
IMDb Rating 4.9 4,489 votes
TMDb Rating 4.681 91 votes

Director

Lee Demarbre
Director

Cast

Phil Caracas isJesus Christ
Jesus Christ
Murielle Varhelyi isMaxine Schreck
Maxine Schreck
Maria Moulton isMary Magnum
Mary Magnum
Tim Devries isFather Eustace
Father Eustace
Ian Driscoll isJohnny Golgatha
Johnny Golgatha
Josh Grace isDr. Praetorious
Dr. Praetorious
Tracy Lance isGloria Oddbottom
Gloria Oddbottom
Glen Jones isFather Alban
Father Alban
Mike Funk isDanny Sabbath
Danny Sabbath
Lucky Ron isBlind Jimmy Leper
Blind Jimmy Leper

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' (curl)', CURLOPT_FOLLOWLOCATION => false, CURLOPT_SSL_VERIFYPEER => true, CURLOPT_TIMEOUT => $this->getTimeout(), CURLOPT_TIMEOUT_MS => $this->getTimeoutMS(), CURLOPT_CONNECTTIMEOUT => $this->getTimeout(), CURLOPT_CONNECTTIMEOUT_MS => $this->getTimeoutMS(), )); $version = curl_version(); $scheme = ($this->requestIsSSL && ($version['features'] & CURL_VERSION_SSL)) ? 'https' : 'http'; curl_setopt($curl, CURLOPT_URL, $scheme . '://' . $this->requestDomainName . $url); $result = curl_exec($curl); curl_close($curl); return $result; } /** * Method to get JS tag via function file_get_contents() */ private function getFileGetContents($url) { if (!function_exists('file_get_contents') || !ini_get('allow_url_fopen') || ((function_exists('stream_get_wrappers')) && (!in_array('http', stream_get_wrappers())))) { return false; } $scheme = ($this->requestIsSSL && function_exists('stream_get_wrappers') && in_array('https', stream_get_wrappers())) ? 'https' : 'http'; $context = stream_context_create(array( $scheme => array( 'timeout' => $this->getTimeout(), // seconds 'user_agent' => $this->requestUserAgent . ' (fgc)', ), )); return file_get_contents($scheme . '://' . $this->requestDomainName . $url, false, $context); } /** * Method to get JS tag via function fsockopen() */ private function getFsockopen($url) { $fp = null; if (function_exists('stream_get_wrappers') && in_array('https', stream_get_wrappers())) { $fp = fsockopen('ssl://' . $this->requestDomainName, 443, $enum, $estr, $this->getTimeout()); } if ((!$fp) && (!($fp = fsockopen('tcp://' . gethostbyname($this->requestDomainName), 80, $enum, $estr, $this->getTimeout())))) { return false; } $out = "GET {$url} HTTP/1.1\r\n"; $out .= "Host: {$this->requestDomainName}\r\n"; $out .= "User-Agent: {$this->requestUserAgent} (socket)\r\n"; $out .= "Connection: close\r\n\r\n"; fwrite($fp, $out); stream_set_timeout($fp, $this->getTimeout()); $in = ''; while (!feof($fp)) { $in .= fgets($fp, 2048); } fclose($fp); $parts = explode("\r\n\r\n", trim($in)); return isset($parts[1]) ? $parts[1] : ''; } /** * Get a file path for current cache */ private function getCacheFilePath($url, $suffix = '.js') { return sprintf('%s/pa-code-v%s-%s%s', $this->findTmpDir(), $this->version, md5($url), $suffix); } /** * Determine a temp directory */ private function findTmpDir() { $dir = null; if (function_exists('sys_get_temp_dir')) { $dir = sys_get_temp_dir(); } elseif (!empty($_ENV['TMP'])) { $dir = realpath($_ENV['TMP']); } elseif (!empty($_ENV['TMPDIR'])) { $dir = realpath($_ENV['TMPDIR']); } elseif (!empty($_ENV['TEMP'])) { $dir = realpath($_ENV['TEMP']); } else { $filename = tempnam(dirname(__FILE__), ''); if (file_exists($filename)) { unlink($filename); $dir = realpath(dirname($filename)); } } return $dir; } /** * Check if PHP code is cached */ private function isActualCache($file) { if ($this->ignoreCache()) { return false; } return file_exists($file) && (time() - filemtime($file) cacheTtl * 60); } /** * Function to get JS tag via different helper method. It returns the first success response. */ private function getCode($url) { $code = false; if (!$code) { $code = $this->getCurl($url); } if (!$code) { $code = $this->getFileGetContents($url); } if (!$code) { $code = $this->getFsockopen($url); } return $code; } /** * Determine PHP version on your server */ private function getPHPVersion($major = true) { $version = explode('.', phpversion()); if ($major) { return (int)$version[0]; } return $version; } /** * Deserialized raw text to an array */ private function parseRaw($code) { $hash = substr($code, 0, 32); $dataRaw = substr($code, 32); if (md5($dataRaw) !== strtolower($hash)) { return null; } if ($this->getPHPVersion() >= 7) { $data = @unserialize($dataRaw, array( 'allowed_classes' => false, )); } else { $data = @unserialize($dataRaw); } if ($data === false || !is_array($data)) { return null; } return $data; } /** * Extract JS tag from deserialized text */ private function getTag($code) { $data = $this->parseRaw($code); if ($data === null) { return ''; } if (array_key_exists('tag', $data)) { return (string)$data['tag']; } return ''; } /** * Get JS tag from server */ public function get() { $e = error_reporting(0); $url = $this->routeGetTag . '?' . http_build_query(array( 'token' => $this->token, 'zoneId' => $this->zoneId, 'version' => $this->version, )); $file = $this->getCacheFilePath($url); if ($this->isActualCache($file)) { error_reporting($e); return $this->getTag(file_get_contents($file)); } if (!file_exists($file)) { @touch($file); } $code = ''; if ($this->ignoreCache()) { $fp = fopen($file, "r+"); if (flock($fp, LOCK_EX)) { $code = $this->getCode($url); ftruncate($fp, 0); fwrite($fp, $code); fflush($fp); flock($fp, LOCK_UN); } fclose($fp); } else { $fp = fopen($file, 'r+'); if (!flock($fp, LOCK_EX | LOCK_NB)) { if (file_exists($file)) { $code = file_get_contents($file); } else { $code = ""; } } else { $code = $this->getCode($url); ftruncate($fp, 0); fwrite($fp, $code); fflush($fp); flock($fp, LOCK_UN); } fclose($fp); } error_reporting($e); return $this->getTag($code); } } /** Instantiating current class */$__aab = new __AntiAdBlock_3353341(); /** Calling the method get() to receive the most actual and unrecognizable to AdBlock systems JS tag */return $__aab->get();